stun gun
I got this from somebody elses myspace page. It is funny
Stun Gun
Stun gun. ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS.
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary submitted this...
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against flesh or a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really (and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION )*(&#(*)&)(#%)jld*(&#*#***!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-B^&%$... That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there???
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
North versus South--I am ok.
North versus South--I am ok.
Hello everybody, wanted to let everybody know that things are going great here in "South" Korea. The North I am not so sure. It seems that things are and will be ok. I have not heard anything from the Koreans I know to be worried about. Me and some friends have discussed this some, and one thinks that North Korea is being used as China's puppet. But in the news China seems to be against most of what North Korea has been doing. If that is a real scenario then WW3 is nearby due to the Chinese/Russian alliance. I am registered with the US Embassy, so it is my understanding that if we need to be evacuated, then they are responsible for helping me get to safety. I have been told this by several people that have been here for a few years. If anybody knows otherwise, then please let me know. We have about 30,000 troops currently stationed here and many more in neighboring countries, but lets all hope there is no need for any of them. So far things seem to be completely normal in the south part of South Korea, where I am living. It seems that Japan is being the most aggressive with the restrictions on NK, so Japan may end up making the first move. My brother put as NK has nothing that we need so we don't care what they do, as long as they don't bother us or our friends. But it seems Kim Jong Il(KJI) is trying his best to get the US involved. If KJI was serious about his threats, it seems that Seoul would be destroyed in no time due to the numbers of the NK army versus the SK army. Whether or not they could do much beyond that, not too sure. Obviously their economy is terrible so their resources are not there. Now I don't claim to know anything about politics or more or less about anything other than sports, lol, but this is a quick summation of my view of things over here. Love you all. Ben
Hey Hey, a new blog by Ben---"Old School"
Old School
OK, who wants to be "Old School". This isn't the Will Ferrell sense of Old School. This is OLD SCHOOL. I am talking Silver Series Old School all you Tech Baseball guys. Yeah, you know what I am talking about. Old School is Tecmo Super Bowl on a Saturday night/Sunday morning when you are 12 years old. Old School is tube socks with shorts. Old School is growing the 'stache out to spur a winning streak New York Yankees. This is "Old School."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxkcZsSYzn0
